A little more about last night... while it may have been a combo of gas and this new cold she has, gas was definitely in the mix as she would pass some almost each time I soothed her.
After such a restless night she was in a FOUL mood this morning. Just did not want me to put her down for anything. Ok, maybe one thing - Thomas and Friends on TV. Though I hate doing this, I put on the DVD so she would settle down and let me feed her some breakfast. I was trying to get out the door by a certain time and just couldn't afford to try the coaxing thing anymore as all my usual tricks were failing.
She was clearly exhausted and not feeling well. Today was one of the hardest days in a while for either of us to miss work. I was scheduled to be the lead presenter on a 75-minute session at a statewide conference in Grand Rapids at 10:30am. Chris was scheduled to be at Albion for his usual advising duties plus teach his final class before spring break and do the midterm thing. Both pretty crucial. Both putting us an hour or more away.
She fought her diaper change hard - it took both of us to get it done. I also took her temperature using the, er, reliable method. No fever. Because she didn't have a fever, we had a glimmer of hope that she could go to daycare, but when she railed against getting dressed, basically begging us through tears to put her sleeper back on, that was it, it was clear daycare was completely out of the question.
We came up with this wacky scheme whereby I would drive to Grand Rapids instead of carpooling (putting me on the road for hours with no sleep), leave immediately after my presentation, and get back just in time for Chris to leave for Albion so he could at least make his 3pm class.
I left the house with her hoarse little voice screaming "MAMA!! MAMAAAA!!!" I felt like DIRT.
I was really daunted by the thought of me driving so much while feeling so exhausted myself... so on the way into work, feeling pretty desperate, I called Dad in Indy. I wanted to know if he could come up and help us out so we could both go take care of business. He said he'd make some calls and call me back asap.
After I got off the phone with him, I said out loud to myself, "What am I DOING??" Seriously, Dad lives 4 hours away. Helping us out would torpedo two whole days for him. There may be dire circumstances under which that would be an appropriate thing to ask, but I quickly came to terms with the fact that this 75-minute presentation was not one of them. My colleague was co-presenting with me. While I know a bit more about the material than she does, she really knows her stuff and would do a good job. I decided I just needed to LET GO. Detach from this whole job-as-life mindset that I slip into when I'm not looking. When I got to the office I called Dad back and told him never mind, it's really okay. He comforted me by telling me that I got my attachment to professional responsibilities very honestly and he's glad I'm trying to keep it in check.
I gathered up some materials to work on from home, listened to my ten - yes TEN voicemails, and headed back home. Chris left for Albion not long after I got back.
Anna was far more chipper when I got back, to my relief, though she was still obviously under the weather (see picture on Twitter for clear evidence...). I left a message for the pediatrician, gave her a snack, and watched Sesame Street with her.
Lunch was scrambled eggs, mini waffles, and sweet potatoes. Managed to get her to eat it all. She was cranky after that due to her exhaustion. I let her watch video clips of Thomas on the computer while I ate my own lunch. She was so tired she started nodding off in my lap!
She didn't want to go into her crib right away for her nap. Instead she picked out a Berenstain Bears book for me to read to her. She passed out COLD in the middle of the book and didn't even flinch as I laid her in her bed. Here's hoping for a nice LONG, restful nap and a happier baby in the afternoon.
